


And all of my heroes die all alone (Help me hold onto you)

by mayalice



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, post crisis angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:41:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22178737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayalice/pseuds/mayalice
Summary: Lena wakes up Post-crisis, back on earth 38 and Kara is nowhere to be found."She lets the drink burn her throat and tries not to think of a world without Kara. Being mad at kara, being heartbroken and hurt and alone is one thing, but this feels so much worse. Not knowing if Kara is okay, the possibility of never seeing her again, the messy way they left things, it makes her chest feels way too heavy. Make it hard for her to breathe normally. Even while hating her, there was a part of Lena that new kara would always be out there, kara would always come to her rescue, kara would always take her back, no questions asked. She can’t begin to process a world where this isn’t true anymore."
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 25
Kudos: 402





	And all of my heroes die all alone (Help me hold onto you)

When the end of the world approaches, there is a part of Lena that thinks finally. A part of her that is so very tired of everything that is happening, that she is ready to surrender, ready to just give up and let death or whatever comes next, take her. She doesn’t believe in the afterlife, knows that there is nothing but darkness waiting for her on the other side, but for a split second, she thinks that would be so much easier. 

There is chaos everywhere. The crisis center is full with movement, everyone looks in some state of shock, children cries and parents tries to comfort, couples hold each other close and Lena keeps herself busy with the new refugees, handing out food and blankets and trying not to think about how scared and lonely she really is, trying to silence the part of her that wishes she had someone to hold her and tell her it’s all going to be okay.   
(Even if it isn’t.) 

She tries not to think about Kara. She is angry at herself for needing her, for wishing she was here to tell her not to lose hope. She knows she is out there, trying to save them, and at least she can hold on to that. Because if Kara believed there is nothing left for her to do, she would have been here to hold her hand and lie to her until it’s all over. 

There is a moment when they think they are saved when the sky becomes clear and Lena thinks She did it and cries with relief. And then the skies are red again and when she catches Alex’s gaze from across the room her eyes are full of terror. She is holding Kelly close to her chest and her lips mumble something that seems like an apology. There are a million apologies at the tip of Lena’s tongue, a million things left unsaid but there is no time, no time, no time and the person she needs to talk to the most isn’t even here. She just stands there, all alone and filled with an overwhelming sense of regret.  
That can’t possibly be the end, right? 

And then she wakes up in her bed on earth 38, her head heavy and her heart pounding.   
For a moment Lena wonders if it was all just a bad dream, just her messy mind torturing her once again. There is nothing in the news about the world almost ending, nothing about the meta wave and their attempt to escape it, and if not for a small article about a rare natural phenomenon that turned the sky red and caused panic, she would have been convinced none of this was real. She has to get to the bottom of his. And if Kara’s apartment is the first place she goes to, it’s completely reasonable. 

Except Kara isn’t there. She is probably busy taking care of the aftermath of the crisis, probably hasn’t had time to go back home yet. But Lena has a bad feeling about it.   
She tries to call her and is answered by a mechanic voice that tells her the number she is trying to reach is disconnected. With shaking fingers Lena press to button on her watch and wait to hear the familiar sound of movement in the air, but a few moments pass and there is no sign to Kara rushing to get to her. 

“What did you do to her?”   
Alex pushes her into the nearest wall when she enters the DEO, and Lena doesn’t even try to fight her.   
“Kara is not here?” Lena tries to mask the way the look on Alex’s face makes her stomach flip, but she seems to notice anyway because her voice is softer when she shakes her head, quiet and devastated as she confirms she hasn’t heard from Kara. she hasn’t heard from Kara.   
“Everyone else is back, everything seems to go back to normal. But I can’t find her anywhere. Oh, god, what did she do?”   
Lena shares the same feeling of terror, the chill that immediately starts to spread inside her when she thinks of the possibility of Kara doing something stupidly heroic and… she can’t think about it. 

Alex leads her to the main desk, where the rest of the group gathers.   
“Brainy is trying to contact the other paragons. See if they can fill us in about what happened after earth 1 was destroyed.” There is not much Lena can do but stand there, waiting and trying not to feel like her chest is going to explode. 

It takes what seems to Lena like forever to open a line of communication between the universes and a little while longer before anyone answers. They don’t have good news.   
the details are fuzzy in her mind, something about a book of destiny and her not so dead brother tricking them and a sacrifice they had to make. None of them is sure what it means exactly. Just that one minute the worlds were ending and Kara stood there with the book in her hands and the next, everything was back to normal and Kara was nowhere to be found. The chill from before is turning to ice now and Lena feels numb and frozen in place. She can still hear Alex in the background, asking questions and trying to get to the bottom of this, to figure out if there is still hope, if Kara could be possibly trapped somewhere between the worlds, if there is still someone out there to save. 

Lena isn’t so hopeful. There is a headache forming behind her temples, a familiar sensation of loss in her bones. She can’t do this. Can’t stay here and pretend it isn’t already over. Everyone is too occupied to notice her leaves and she heads back to her apartment and a bottle of Scotch with her name on it. She lets the drink burn her throat and tries not to think of a world without Kara. Being mad at kara, being heartbroken and hurt and alone is one thing, but this feels so much worse. Not knowing if Kara is okay, the possibility of never seeing her again, the messy way they left things, it makes her chest feels way too heavy. Make it hard for her to breathe normally. Even while hating her, there was a part of Lena that new kara would always be out there, kara would always come to her rescue, kara would always take her back, no questions asked. She can’t begin to process a world where this isn’t true anymore. 

She spends the day like this, refilling her glass and burying herself with work until she is too dizzy to focus on her computer screen. She dozes off at some point, and when she wakes up it’s night time and there are a dozen unanswered calls on her phone. Her heart is pounding so loud Lena is sure the neighbors can hear it. The last call is from Kara. She stares at the name on her screen, unsure what to make of it, is it a trick? is it really Kara calling her? and then, because she needs to know, because anything is better than this feeling of dread-she calls her back. 

Kara answers immediately.  
“Lena” she sounds breathless, and Lena can picture her rushing to get to the phone at an inhuman speed. She sounds alive, and relief spreads across Lena’s body, melting the ice and replacing it with something warm.   
“Kara”  
She doesn’t really know what to say after that. Kara seems to be at loss of words too because for a moment all Lena can hear is her breathing, but then she asks in a quiet voice, “I’m coming over, okay?” and Lena isn’t anywhere ready to see her, but she also needs to see her, needs to make sure she really is okay and Kara barely waits for her to form the first syllable before she can hear her outside.   
  
Seeing Kara feel like finally getting air into her lungs. She looks tired, but she smiles softly at Lena when she lands on her balcony.   
“Hi”

Lena falls on Kara’s shoulders before she can think better of it before the anger comes back to the surface and her head gets a chance to interfere. Kara makes a quiet sound of surprise before wrapping her arms around her, strong and warm on Lena’s back, and Lena can feel the tears coming, can feel her body shaking under Kara’s touch, as she murmurs in her ear _it’s okay, we are okay, it’s okay._  
  
“I am not, I haven’t, I’m still mad at you” Lena stumbles on her words.   
They are sitting on her couch now, her head rests on Kara’s shoulder, their finger intertwined.   
“Okay” Kara kisses her forehead lightly.   
Lena is puzzled by the gesture. “Okay?”  
“I can handle you being mad at me Lena, what I can’t handle is you shutting me out of your life again” she sounds tired, like the past two days are starting to dawn on her and it’s the first time since Lena found out that she can see Kara and not just the indestructible superhero. She strengthens her grip on Kara’s hand. “Can I go back to being mad at you tomorrow?” it sounds childish when she says it out loud, “It’s just that... I thought I lost you”.   
“I know” Kara looks at her now, the tears make her eyes shine, and for a moment Lena is overwhelmed by how beautiful she is.   
“I thought I lost you too”. 

The problem is, in the morning she doesn’t want to be mad at Kara anymore.   
She makes her coffee, looking adorable in Lena’s oversized sweatshirt, and Lena finds it hard to remember why was she so angry to begin with. She had good reasons, she is sure of it, but none of them feels sufficient anymore, not after their world was literally ending, not after the hours Lena spent trying to adjust to the idea of life without Kara. 

They talk. They start with lunch, stumbling over apologies over Big Belly Burgers, laying some ground rules about secrets and plans for world domination, getting to know each other all over again. It’s rocky at first, both of their hearts a little too guarded and their meetings now lack the ease they used to have, but Lena is done grieving the friendship they had and tries to focus on what they can still build together. And it’s good, this thing they are building, the trust that feels less fragile every day. The way every hug feels meaningful, every smile precious. 

Lena isn’t sure when she fell in love with Kara. Maybe it happened the moment they met, maybe it grew over millions of tiny moments after that, but it somehow still manages to catch her off guard. They are in the middle of another game night, they are winning and Kara is doing a ridiculous victory dance and Lena’s heart is doing its own little pirouette, and suddenly, there is no denying it anymore. She is in love with Kara. She sits there for a moment, letting the realization sinks in, lets the panic rise and make the room feel claustrophobic.   
  
Her first instinct is to run. She mumbles an excuse about an L-Corp crisis, and it out the door before anyone is able to question it. Then she gets herself very very drunk.

  
In the morning her head hurts but her mind is clearer and she can almost laugh at last night freak out. Of course she loves Kara, of course she finds her attractive, but to decide she is in love with her all of a sudden? that’s a little hasty. She makes sure to text Kara an apology and confirms their lunch plans, and by the time she heads to work, she feels more like herself. 

When Kara walks into her office Lena is the middle of a conference call that runs a little late and she greets her with a warm smile and motions her to make herself comfortable before turning her attention back to the call. And this is maybe why, when she finally able to hang up and turn to Kara five minutes later, she feels absolutely attacked. Kara is wearing a dress, which isn’t new exactly these days, but this one is pink and hugs her body in a way that leaves Lena breathless, and oh god, she is absolutely screwed. 

She tries to push her feeling deep down where they belong because things only started to be good again and she isn’t ready to rock the boat for her silly little feeling. Except pretty soon she realizes they aren’t silly or little and she doesn’t think she can keep it from Kara, not when they just promised not to lie to each other and she has no idea how to handle any of this. 

After a week of awkward meetings and finding various excuses to avoid Kara, Lena decides she had enough. She is going to tell Kara and she is going to handle the rejection gracefully and they are going to put this behind them. 

She invited her for dinner and empties two wine glass before she manages to get the words out. And then something unexpected happens. Kara’s face brightened and her smile is the widest Lena had ever seen it.  
“you are in love with me?” her voice sounds bewildered, but the smile is still there and her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. “Is that why you have been so weird lately?”  
Lena nodes, unsure of where this is leading. Something that seems like relief spreads across Kara’s face. She is intertwining their fingers now and looks at Lena like she is the moon or maybe an entire galaxy and Lena’s mind catches up just in time for Kara to press her lips into hers. 

This is definitely new. Lena feels everything at once, the way Kara’s body feels solid under her touch but her lips are warm and soft, The little sounds Kara makes and the way her heart is pounding like crazy. 

Waking up next to Kara is new too.   
“Hi,” Kara says when she realizes she is awake. She still looks kind of sleepy, her hair spreads all over the pillow and she is pressing her body into Lena’s, arms wrapped around her as if they are doing this for years.   
“Hi” A giggle escapes Kara’s mouth and they have matching smiles on their faces, and Lena is so incredibly happy that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. 

They get out of bed eventually, there are feeling to discuss over coffee and a promise of more kiss and more smiles, the future feels warm and bright with the way Kara looks at her behind a mountain of pancakes and Lena wonders if the world needed to end just for them to end up here. 

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently fics that start with angst and end with our girls happy and in love are my new aesthetics.


End file.
